The Passion

Ever since I was very young, I have always wanted to know who my mother was. The fact that she told me that she wanted to meet me again someday really intrigued me. I knew she had to be different from just looking at why my brother and sister were put up for adoption. I knew very little about her, I knew she had played soccer and I always found myself asking, "I wonder if she liked horses, or t-ball, or school. I wonder if she had struggled in the same ways I'm struggling." I had a huge desire to know more.

Because of this desire, I started to see a bigger picture. I knew there had to be more out there, I just wasn't sure what. My mother was raise baptist and my father is half Jewish but his family never believed in the faith and went to a variety of churches throughout his life. Unfortunately for my father he never found a church he felt like where he belonged. We went to a variety of churches as well throughout my life but I hated dresses at a young age and didn't like going. We eventually just stopped going. We would go every Easter though, my mother made sure of that and I am very thankful for it. I heard the good news at least once a year, but it was always told in a way I did not understand it or not engaging for my young ears. But God found a way to at least let me hear it and give me a desire to know him.

It wasn't until I was 14 though when I finally heard the story in a way I understood it. I had been going to a local church with my friends for a few months at this point and was learning about Christ but did not have a ear to hear. I did not understand. One week we had an Evangelist come in for a revival and Wednesday it was youth night. I was riding with my friends over to the church and I remember we were almost in a car accident. It may have been nothing but a fender bender if it had occur ed but regardless it got my mind thinking. I knew if if I did not accept Jesus as my savior I wouldn't go to heaven, that much I understood. I just didn't know why I should accept him. I didn't understand why I should. So After the scare of the car accident I remember "Where would you have gone if you had died" went through my mind. I knew the answer, hell. I knew I needed to accept Jesus then because I was afraid of Hell, but even though I knew hell was a bad place, that just did not seem like a good reason to worship someone.

We arrived at the church and the Evangelist was really funny and cool. We ate pizza and played games with each other but then we went over to the sanctuary for him to preach. I wasn't really nervous and the question I asked myself in the car was not forgotten but it wasn't on my mind either. I was too busy caught up in having fun with my friends.

So my friends and I were sitting in the pews and I was right in the middle of all of them. He began to preach of the night of the last hours of Jesus life. He told Jesus came to earth to be a man and to share Gods love with his people. He came to make a new way of life where no one has to go through a priest to talk to God but each of us can have our own relationship with God. He told us the first insult, the first punch, the whipping Jesus went through as a punishment from men. When he came to the part of the Cat of Nine Tails was when I just couldn't understand why anyone would go through all that. I did not understand. I remember asking myself silently, "Why would anyone do this willingly?" and the Evangelist said, "He did all this because he loves you." That is when I knew God was truly speaking to me personally. He had heard my question in my mind and answered it to the world. It was then when I knew Love was a good reason to worship someone. The fact that Jesus died to my sins because he loves me was a great and only reasons for me. I knew that because I gave my life to Christ I would go to heaven, but I did not even care. All I wanted was someone to truly love me, and it reminded me of my biological mother and the sacrifice she did for me so I could have a better life.

My parents are the best and they love me very much, so do not get me wrong on that. I just knew there was so much more out there, that there was a God who knew and controlled the bigger picture of my life and his love means everything to me.

I was adopted again that day. I became the adopted one once more. However I know that God does not refer to me as his adopted child but as his very own. :-)

I was reminded of this journey last night. We had a youth movie night and we watched The Passion of the Christ. The part of the cat of nine tails always gets me and reminds me of the day when God first spoke to me. It is my prayer that God spoke to them last night and a few questions were answered.